Judas

 Written By Mudga

 

"Deal?" The shadowed mans words echoed around my head, filling me with questions and doubts, memory's and feelings.

"Deal? Is it a deal?" the man repeated. 

I swallowed back what I really, truly wanted to say.

"I don't know. I need to think this through!" I said as calmly as I could muster. 

The Roman officer brought his fist down on the table. 

"I'm tired of your babbling and thinking! Yes, or no? Deal, or no deal?" the officer cried out in fury. 

Judas continued to think. He came up with his answer,  but before saying it, everything flashed before his eyes.

"Come and follow me!" 

"...Is like a mustard seed."

"You are healed."

"I will make you fishers of men!" 

 

Jesus's words echoed in my head, memory's of raging storms and crowds of 5000 struck me. 

"The storm! Its breaking our boat!" Peter cried over the howling winds, a large wave slapped against the side of the boat, sending Peter and the other men toppling over each other. Water struck me in the face, temporarily blinding me, and sending me into a frenzy, I fell to the floor of the flooded boat. I scrambled back onto my feet, and watched lightening dance across the water. 

"Simon!" Peter cried. 

Simon looked up from the knot he was frantically tying.  

 "We need to wake him up! Now!" 

Simon scrambled towards the boats stern, I watched him disappear wondering what Jesus could do to help us. Nothing, most likely. 

Simone re-appeared soon after, Jesus, moving calmly behind him.

I let go of the pole i was clutching and made my way towards the pair.

"How can you sleep at such a time? We need help Jesus!" I cried out to him, finally reaching the pair. 

 Jesus stayed calm.

"Help." I repeated. 

"Teacher, do you not care if we die?" Simon asked in disbelief. 

"QUITE BE STILL!" Jesus cried, and like magic, the waves dropped and the wind ceased, the lightening and thunder, the clouds and the rain, all faded, obeying Jesus's words. 

 Jesus then turned to me and Simone, 

"Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?"

"Judas! Is it a deal? I don't have all day." the officer shouted again, bringing me back to the now, and away from the past. 

"Lunch. That's what I need, food helps me make decisions." I replied coolly. 

The man grunted, but hastily made sure food was brought to me.

A maid placed a wooden bowl, with fish and a loaf of bread on it, I looked at the food mournfully, which took me back in time again.

"They are all hungry, This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.” Peter told Jesus. 

 "They don't need to leave to get food, feed them here." Jesus replied, as if he truly believed the men could create food from air. 

"Jesus, tell them to go to the nearest village." James urged. 

Jesus turned to the twelve of us, 

"Did you not bring your own food?" he questioned. 

Andrew spoke up;

“We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,”

Jesus beckoned to them,

"Bring them to me" 

Jesus took the scarce food into his hands, and broke the bread apart, he then handed me some pieces of bread and torn fish. 

"Hand this out."

I did as i was told. 

I strolled up to a little girl, 

"hey, I am Judas, Would you like some food?" I said kneeling in the grass and urging the girl to take the food.

She shyly collected the food before bolting off to share it with her older brother. 

 

"Judas, Judas!" the officer screamed in impatience. 

"What are you doing staring off to space in a a daze?" he continued to yell. 

I shook my pounding head, i chewed my food slowly, it still reminded me of that day, but i dared not get lost in my own thoughts again. 

"Have you forgotten the reward?" The man questioned, he pulled a leather bag from his belt and jangled it in front of my face.  

"Enough money to last you and your family a lifetime!" 

I bit my bottom lip, it was good money, for sure!

I thought about Martha, my wife, laying in her own sick at home, fighting off death, in desperate need of expensive treatment. 

"This money could be the difference of life and death for her..." I muttered to myself. 

"Listen, its a deal!" I promised, bringing my hand onto the table, waiting for the soft leathery feel of the money bag in my hand. 

"Tonight, you show us to Jesus, and I give you the money." 

 

                                                                 *****  

 

The look of horror on all my best friends face sent stabs of guilt and horror through me. A pang of guilt forced me to make eye contact with Jesus...

His penetrating eyes, it felt as if they were reading my thoughts, and looking at my soul. Those eyes were filled with disappointment, distrust and disgust, but more then anything, they were filled with betrayal.  If looks could kill, this one would. 

  At that moment, I knew I, Judas Iscariot, had betrayed the son of man. 

 The Roman soldiers bound Jesus with thick coarse ropes, and led him away, most likely, to his death. 

The man i had made the deal with, patted me roughly on the shoulder, before passing me the bag of money and leaving. 

I couldn't move, I was to horrified and angry at myself.  

"L-listen-n g-guys....I" My stutter was uncontrollably and I gave up any effort to confess to my fellow friends. 

"How could you?" Simon asked, but he didn't wait for an answer. He left, all the others trailing behind him.  

 They disappeared behind a bend, leaving me alone with my feelings, and the bag of money. 

The bag of money. I did all this...for money? I shook my head in disbelief, what had I been thinking? I had just killed the king of heavens! The son of God would die, because of my stupid acts! 

My thoughts returned to Martha, I did it for her...right? 

"Excuse me sir, are you Judas Iscariot?" A squeaky voice said from behind me. 

I spun around on my heels to face the doctor that had been helping Martha. 

"Oh, good day sir, how may I help you?" I shook the doctors hand and wipped the tears from my face. 

The doctor looked at the ground mournfully, and all the puzzle pieces came together.  

"No, this cant have happened.....I, I have the money i could get the medicine!"  I cried out in shock.

"I am afraid its to late for any kind of medication sir, I am very sorry, Martha was a good lady."

I nodded my head in agreement, the tears poured from my eyes, streaming down my cheeks like a waterfall.

The doctor nodded his head before scurrying off.

What was the use of money now? Everything I have ever loved is gone, my friends, my teacher, my wife. Its all.....gone. My thoughts were painful to think. But I wasn't sure what else to do.

I slumped onto the mossy floor, not caring for snakes or ants. not caring for anything. 

I shook my head, again, I was so angry at myself, at my actions, at everything. I was angry at the world!

I remembered my eight year old son, I slowly stood to my shaking feet and made my way to my home. 

Thanks for reading this story! I hope you enjoyed it, (If that is possible,  as its a bit sad to be honest ) but please leave a comment telling me what you thought!! -Mudga